Being a baby about it

Thursday, May 04, 2006

I am suffering from a writing block today. I could not manage to write much at work nor could I seem to articulate what I want to right now. So this could all be gibberish for all I care.

Basically, there is this choral group opening that I want to take up but somehow or rather the timing is just not right. I could not seem to adjust time on my side for it. This means that I will have to give it up. I am really very unhappy and disappointed for not being able to be a part of it because this is something I really want to do.

I have to resign to the fact that we do not always get what we want. I mean there are some things we really want, but we accept the fact that it is downright unattainable: to be able to sing like Katharyn McPhee for example, to write and publish prolifically like DA Carson or to work and logic things out like CS Lewis. I am very comfortable with the fact that even though I wish I could do all these, I really do, I am okay with it that I can’t.

However, there are some things that are so close within reach yet vanishes like a mirage the moment I try to take hold of it; and what I have instead is frustration, anger, disappointment.

I need some time to come to reality. I know that later in a different perspective, this isn’t even important. I just need to come to terms with it but easier said than done.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. ~ Psa 130:5-6


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11 comment(s)

  1. Maeghan,

    Yep, me too!

    To me, a lot of this comes down to laying my whole life down at the foot of the cross. This includes dreams, aspirations, AND talents.

    God will direct our steps. I need to learn to trust that He has my best interest at heart too. Man! Is that hard. This scripture says it all:

    Trust in the Lord, with all of your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight. Don't worry about tommorow, because it is in His control.

    (I forgot where this

    God Bless

  2. Maeghan,

    Agreed! (at least for the most part)

    I've read a lot of authors that just astound me with their research, how prolific they are, insight, logic, gift for the plot twist, and word usage. I want that so badly. Some of it, I realize, I'm never going to have, and I'd just be chasing after the wind with a butterfly net to even try. Plus, like you said in the post, time is such a factor in a lot of things you can and cannot do. It's a shame, a real and true shame, but sometimes it is what it is.

    On the other hand, there's a lot of it I can perfect or at least improve upon in my writing. And for me, laziness or procrastination can be an issue. Those things that I can affect by working harder and learning more, I have to do, or else I'm wasting time for which I'm accountable. And I've wasted far too many hours to count over this life of mine. Your nemesis is probably different from mine, but I'm sad that you aren't doing something you really want to do.

    The one thing I do want to say is that if you have dreams, keep them - don't let them go. Even if they might be out of reach today, that doesn't mean they're out of reach forever.

    When Ken and I finished our first novel together, one that we think is awesome, it was in our heads that some publishing house would love the work, and some agent will pick it up in short order. Well after over a year of queries, samples, synopses going out, nothing ever materialized. Still hasn't. However, our faith kept us to the grindstone, and we went on, however disillusioned, with our next project. We sent that one to all the nig NY houses that would accept submissions. Nothing doing. Finally, a local, small house here in Madison, AL picked up Dorkman, even as we've started writing two more manuscripts.

    Although a small house isn't our dream, Goal # 1 for both Ken and I was getting published. So that's happening. Maybe not how we envisioned, but our lives aren't over. Who knows what can happen?

    I say this and at the same time totally agree with the Bible verse you posted. Wait on God. We do our due diligence with what He's given us, but we wait on Him for whatever He will provide.

    Btw, your post didn't sound like gibberish to me; it was totally coherent. For having writer's block, you did a magnificent job! Oh that I could do as well.

  3. Uh, that should be "big" NY houses, not "nig." Sorry about that.

  4. Hey Meaghan,

    I can totally relate to not being able to use my talents where I think they should be used, but I'm sure you agree it all comes down to trusting in God to fulfill His purposes. I have learned that the good things that we want become the best when we allow God to give them to us in His time.

    Remember that no one else can be you, not even Katherine McPhee!

    Blessings, Julia

  5. BTW,

    The picture & title are priceless! More of that understated humor, I think...

  6. Thank you all for all the encouragement! Though I will still be a baby about it for now :( , I am encouraged.

  7. Doug,
    Yeah ... it is hard. I kept reminding myself to trust in him and that he definitely has a plan for me and if this isn't it, this isn't it.

    You quoted one of my favourite verses, one I have memorised since I can't remember when. It is from Prov 3:5-6.

  8. Rich,
    I am with you on how we admire some writers: how they can write, their style and especially how much they know about what they are writing. My all time favourite writer is CS Lewis. His style and depth astound me. I have got so much to learn and practice.

    One of the magazines that start me on my journey to improve my writing is The Economist. The writers there are truly A-class.

    So, when can I read your novel?
    Can I have an autographed copy? :) :) :)

    Yes, I agree. Keep on dreaming ... at least we will keep on smiling because of it ...

  9. Julia,
    Thanks - no one can be what we are. We are unique and special in the eyes of God.

    Haha - I really love the baby picture!

  10. Maeghan,

    I love CS Lewis, too. Not only his depth but also his honesty. When my grandfather died, my friend, Ken, gave me a copy of A Grief Observed. Although I'm not sure he wrote it to be published, the fact that he'd write that honestly about a subject that deep -- that's more than opening a vein. Many of his other books are much the same as far as that goes. Maybe I'll meet him and thank him one day after I'm gone. I'm not sure how any of that works, although if it works that way, I'm certain I'll be standing in a long, loooooong line. ('Course the focus will be on Christ, then, not Lewis, but you probably get what I'm saying).

    Since I write fiction, I haven't read The Economist articles, but I'll remember your plug. I majored in business econ for my undergrad, so I'm sure I'd like a lot of the subjects tackled (although if put ot a test, I probably couldn't even define the term inelasticity anymore. Oh the things you forget. I have read a lot of kid's fiction books on the other hand, so maybe I'm just "learning downward."

    We'll have more on Dorkman over at The Realm as it gets closer to publication. THANKS FOR ASKING!!!

  11. I'm certain I'll be standing in a long, loooooong line.

    And I will be right behind you ;)

    I majored in business econ for my undergrad

    So did I! And don't ask me about inelasticity either.