Have you ever felt like you are trying the live out the whole year in one day?
That is how I have been feeling on the last day of the year for the past several years.
It's like having a feeling of disbelief that the year has passed by so fast and I am not able to catch up to it. And now on the last day of the year, I feel like I should have a blast of a day to finish of the year and welcoming a new one, but by the time half the day is gone, I am nowhere near having it mean something let alone having a blast.
I have had sad and poignant New Year's Eve for the past few years and looks like I'm having another one today.
So what gives?
It's no wonder some people go to parties and get drunk senseless. There is just too much to be expected from the last day of the year that we know we are going to fail miserably to make something meaningful and profound out of it.
I have not been attending any watch night services in church for years now. I think it will be a good idea that I go tonight.
I went. And this was the covenant I made with the Lord:
Minister: And now, beloved, let us bind ourselves with willing binds to our covenant God, and take yoke of Christ upon us. This taking of his yoke upon us means that we are heartily content that he appoint is our place and work, and that he alone be our reward. Christ has many services to be done; some are easy, others are difficult; some bring honor, others bring reproach; some are suitable to our natural inclinations, and temporal interests, others are contrary to both. In some we may please Christ and please ourselves; in others we cannot please Christ except by denying ourselves. Yet the power to do all these things is assuredly given us in Christ, who strengthens us. Therefore, let us make the covenant of God our own. Let us engage our heart to the Lord, and resolve in his strength never to go back. Being thus prepared, let us now, in sincere dependence on his grace and trusting in his promises, yield ourselves anew to him.
O Lord God, holy Father, who has called us through Christ to be partakers in this gracious covenant: we take upon ourselves with joy the yoke of obedience, and engage ourselves, for love of you, to seek and do your perfect will. We are no longer our own, but yours.
People: I am no longer my own, but yours. Put me to what you will, rank me with whom you will, put me to doing, put me to suffering, let me be employed for you or laid aside for you, exalted for you our brought low for you; let me be full, let me be empty; let me have all things, let me have nothing; I freely and heartily yield all things to your pleasure and disposal. And now, O gracious and blessed God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, you are mine, and I am yours. So be it. And the covenant which I have made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven. Amen.
Technically it is no longer 2015 but I didn't want the night to end yet. I just spent the last half an hour skimming through what I've posted over the year, the first time I've actually posted every single day of the year in a long time.
It was good looking back. It was a bitter sweet year - of frustration and hope, of learning and growing. And I thank God for it. I pray his direction for me will be clearer in 2016, that I will grow closer to him in listening to him, in following his leading.
Abba Father, I again commit myself to you and you alone. Amen.