So by the end of Tuesday, I've decided I will pull out. But I wasn't 100% sure about it and so I thought I'd leave it till today to inform the conductor, Paul Baker. Except that I spent the whole day today titter-tottering between staying and pulling out. I wanted to but my inner voice kept saying no, stay on.
I have drafted a text message to be sent to the conductor to pull out but every time I wanted to send it, I stopped myself. I keep feeling that it was not the right thing to do. This happened the whole day today.
By the time it was 4pm, I felt it will be too late if I had not sent it out already because practice will begin today at 7:30pm. I felt I must be fair to Paul and inform him quickly. So I just sent it out without much thinking any more.
It turned out that my inner voice was telling me the right thing - I should stick on. The conductor graciously sent me a reply saying that he understands what I'm feeling and encouraged me not to pull out. He said that it is normal for us to have cold feet in the beginning but it will be all worth it in the end.
And so I turned up for practice and I was so glad and so thankful I did. We had Chi Hoe Mak as our choral master today and he was simply excellent. I have learnt most of what I know from Joanna Lau, my choral group Grace Notes conductor, but Chi Hoe brought more technicalities to it and then more.
I am still reading Willard's book, Hearing God and from the chapter where he touched on our inner voice, I now know more of what he was saying:
I believe I can say with assurance that God’s speaking in union with the human voice and human language is the primary objective way in which God addresses us...the familiar King James Version of Proverbs 20:27 says, "The spirit of man is the candle of the Lord, searching all the inward parts of the belly." This is possibly better put in the Jerusalem Bible: "Man’s spirit is the lamp of Yahweh, searching his deepest self."
I will surely have regretted pulling out and I am glad God spoke through me, and for Paul to be understanding and gracious.
If you are in town on 18 or 19 March 2016, you might want to come listen to the majestic and brilliant work of Handel, the Messiah.
For more information, call 016-537 2599 or visit www.messiah.grace-intl.com.