Saturday, March 04, 2017

Do you always see yourself as a victim?

My colleague recommended me the Korean drama Cheese in the Trap. She said it is a good watch. 

I am not sure though. It is engaging nonetheless, but it is only good if you want to see how self-victimization plays out in society. 

In the drama, practically every character, except the female protagonist and maybe two of the male co-leads, portray this self-victimization behavior to its fullest. 

Self-victimization is a behavior with a belief that one is always the victim and that it is always another person's fault and not their own. They are always in the right and they feel they should be treated fairly and treated right. 

Some take self-victimization inwardly and become depressed as a result. Others act it out by justifying abuse and manipulation of others as a coping strategy. 

It is quite frustrating to watch how the characters in the drama fell deeper and deeper into the holes their dig for themselves, as they blame their failures on others, and not taking any responsibilities for themselves. It is also frustrating for me that there is very little forgiveness in their relationships. 

I think self-victimization is one behavior you will never realize you have until someone points it out to you, and that also depends on how well you generally take and receive feedback from others. 

I read this article that explains the behavior very well: Self-Victimizing Again?

It says we all have in ourselves different degrees and balance of internal and external locus of control. 

If you have a high level of internal locus of control, you believe that "effort, hard work, learning from setbacks, soliciting feedback, eventually lead to success." 

But if you have a high external locus of control, you will "attribute success to sources outside of your immediate control, i.e. luck, other individuals, environmental factors, accidental will not see how your own actions or lack of action may be at the root of how you generally feel about your life."

They blame their failures on other people or the situations they are in and not take responsibilities for themselves to make the change. It is a vicious cycle that will put them deeper and deeper into a spiral of defeat. Even if they do succeed in their revenge and payback from others, their negative actions will return to them badly in the long run. 

It is time we check our own behavior and see if we have a good balance of a high internal locus of control and low on the external. 

Are we always blaming others for our problems and failures? Do we always think about how others have wronged us? Do we find it hard or do we even think about forgiveness?


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